Monday, November 24, 2008

Ask and You Shall Receive

Alright, so maybe you didn't ask, but Andy over at Wild ARS Chase did, so how could I say no? I'm pretty sure you all wanted to know just a little bit more about me. So here it is...

1. My husband and I have an open relationship. Oh yeah, you know what I mean. Let me clarify. We have, lets call it an understanding. We are both able to have a person on the side, however, we must designate the person in advance, and they must be a A, B, C, D celebrity whatever, it doesn't matter...oh and we can each only have that one person, so I've put a lot of thought into who my celebrity would be. I've had a number of people run through my head, I've thought about Prince because he is fabulous in concert and has a ton of energy, on the other hand, I think that he'd be pretty intense (how many people would change their name to a symbol to spite a record company) and I'm not sure I could deal with his intensity. I tend to run a little on the high strung side and quite frankly I think he might just scare me. Then there was David Bowie, but he's with Iman and she just looks like an amazon woman to me and I'm pretty sure she could and would take me. So he's out. So, that left me with Dr. Drew Pinsky and Anderson Cooper. A battle of the silver hair fox (foxes? hmm..). Since Dr. Drew is spending a large portion of his time babysitting drug induced celebrities, I'm choosing AC. He's at the top of his journalism game so he has people to do everything for him, therefore he would have plenty of time for me. I'm happy with this decision, if any of you know him, have his people call me. On a related note, I'm sure you are all wondering who my husband would choose. I'm thinking that he'd go with Yanni. No, I'm being serious here. he really does enjoy Yanni and even dragged me to one of his concerts. Matt really likes his long flowing hair...and his Greekness. He even dragged me to see him in concert two hours away. Normally I would say don't judge, but I think its perfectly acceptable in a situation like this, in fact its almost mandatory. Judge him, he needs to learn this is wrong.

2. I have my own language, and apparently my own unique accent. I know I don't talk like the other Mainers out there, but there is not a one native Mainer in my family. We hail from Lynn, MA...Lynn Lynn the city of Sin...etc. I think I have a Maine/Lynn combo but ehh...who knows. And, I don't' think that I really have my own language, sometimes I just forget what something is called and either describe it or name is something close to its actual name. For example, anything I drink I call juice.... soda, beer or apple "juice", whatever. I might not use the same words as you, but you know what I'm talking about...seriously, people respond to me so they must know right?

3. My use of language has caused others to think I may be part sailor... I use some foul language. In fact Jesus Christ is my favorite foul word of the moment (sometimes I try to class it up and use JC, it's less harsh and you could get away with saying it at church). I think I like it because I think its so trashy, which is something I definitely am not. (I did try unsuccessfully to be trashy for a day in high school but people just laughed) In fact if you looked at me, and talked with me without getting to know me, you would never think that such language would be in my head, let alone come out my mouth. But it does. My second favorite word...Fuck. I know, you would never think I would say that...but I do....wash my mouth out with soap!

4. I fear having children. Not so much the actual act, although I think the experience of giving birth could be unpleasant...mainly the pooh and stuff (seriously, they should give some of this information to high school kids and watch the teenage birth rate fall exponentially), I'm really in fear of what my child will end up like. Who really knows how two peoples DNA will interact. I could end up being the proud mother of a serial killer, or worse yet, a sports fan. I would rather have the serial killer, at least there are specialists who can lend a hand with that one. Plus there are established societal rules on how to deal with serial killers, sports fans not so much. I don't enjoy sports, in fact I think they are ridiculous...grown men slapping each others asses and grabbing themselves? People all pissed off because their team didn't win? What? If my child wants to participate in a sport I'll steer him to ballet, maybe he could be the next Baryshnikov, or the next drag queen. I don't know, but either would be better than (name famous sports person really, name a person for me, I know none so I need your help).

5. I like to pretend that my life is a musical. I don't get to have all of the drama associated with one, but I do occasionally like to break into song. For example, husband "do you know where the flour is" me "do you you you know what it feels like...etc etc."

I apologize for not using the video that had more of Mike "Boogie" whoever in it, but sadly youtube decided that particular clip was unavailable to be embedded. That saddens me too because I really wanted to talk about his rise to fame in big brother and his subsequent fall...last I saw him he was on Dr. 90210 with the other guy from big brother who was checking out his junk and cutting off genital warts...alright, maybe not warts but it had something to do with some STD...I look at that and think that even on my darkest days I would never be so desperate to go on national tv and expose my wart ridden genitalia to the world. Let's everyone say a quick prayer for Boogie...he needs it. But yeah...back to the original subject, although far less exciting than man junk...we do break into song sometimes in my house, which I believe makes us some of the most exciting people around...

For the one person who read all the way to the end....thank you! I know the majority of you skipped numbers 3 and 4 and skimmed your way to the end...I know that happens. It's okay, I had a teacher this semester who told me that in time I'll learn how to do that I say good for you! But, now that you are here, I want to know what it is that makes you bizarre or shall we say quirky? I know there's something...let's hear it!


Ray said...

I would have to disagree with you on one thing: I would TOTALLY pick Dr. Drew over Cooper. He may be babysitting cracked out D-listers, but at least he would have good stories for pillow talk.

Andy said...

Yeah for participating! Or, as you might say, JC, you fuckin' rocked it.... right?

Arjewtino said...

Yanni? I'm going to have to explain people like Natalie Portman and Zooey Deschanel to him.

At the very least, people who are not Yanni.

SouthernBelle said...

I'm *Getting to Know You* via Wild ARS Chase. I like what I see!

1. Um, sorry my dear, as much as I feel you on the love for A.Coop, I'm pretty sure he bats for the other team, if you catch my drift. Sad really, as those silver-fox, piercing-eyes genes are definitely worth passing on.

2. I grew up in Australia with an American mother and now I live in the USA, so my problem is I always forget which is the American word and which is the Australian word for things (like sidewalk / footpath)

3. I got in trouble at my last job for having a "dirty mouth". I told my current boss about that and he said it was fucking bullshit.

4. I'm with you, sister. Even though I'm dying to get knocked up, I already know I'm gonna take all the drugs they'll give me when the time comes.

5. My life isn't so much a musical as an extended episode of I Love Lucy (or I Love SouthernBelle, if you will). I always seem to have a lot of splainin' to do.

Geiger Girl said...

So saucy! Finally, we get to 'reeeeally' know somebody and their open relationship. Ha! I love that it's not the obvious over-rated celebs.

I have one kiddo, and that's going to be it for me. FOREVER. Now I'm dealing with the toddler phase. Oh boy I can hardly wait for the tweenager years. Somebody shoot me now!

sj said...

1. well, as my Aussie twin (sb) pointed out, i have to say that I think (sadly) AC may actually choose your hubbie over you. i'm sorry. just a guess though.

2. that seems very snoop dogg of you. you know. very um. gin and i seem to recall a lot of porn stores and strip clubs. and fast food joints. and hotel rooms. so. just saying. you know. about that sin thing.

3. i have made up my own swears. my current favorite: shit pickle. to describe something really horrible and messy.

4. load me up on the drugs, please.

5. my life is more like a never-ending abc family/lifetime movie more than a musical. but i freqently break into song, so i hear you there, sister.

Mandy said...

Great post, I'm new to the blog. I LOVE Anderson Cooper!