Friday, July 25, 2008

What could I have possibly done in a former life??

The question of the day...How does one deal with an in your face, constantly in your shit mother-in-law??

Is the answer a conversation where you calmly and logically explain to her where your business begins and hers ends? Do you take it a step farther and say exactly what is on your mind and make her just deal with it? Or do you just ignore her completely and thank god that you live 2 hours away??

This was the very dilemma I faced this morning. After sending her a nice email explaining what is goign on in our lives and how busy we have and will be for the next couple of months, my (what should I call her...oh yes...Spawn of Satan who happened to birth my husband ... SOSBH for short....) decided that she wanted to respond to my cheery, albeit bland email by telling me that we need to make an effort to stop by and see his Memere while we are on our way to Massachusetts. She goes on to say that we shouldn't be mad at her for not attending our wedding and its only a couple of minutes off of the interstate and blah blah blah...

Now, several months ago she was told explicitly that she needs to stay out of our relationships with members of his family. In fact, they didn't see each other for nearly a year because of her meddling...

So, even putting the facts aside which would proclude us from even thinking about stopping to see his Memere on the way home (She is about an hour off of the interstate and because of the hours of the kenel where we have to board Charlotte, we have to leave Massachusetts around 12pm and we won't be able to leave for there until around 8am which will give us only 24 hours in the great state) it's just not something we want to do. It has nothing to do with the fact that she didn't come to our wedding...although it would have been nice if she could have been bothered to tell us she wasn't coming! And quite frankly...I'm tired of the SOSBH constantly bringing up the people who didn't attend our wedding. We had a fabulous day! I wouldn't change it. But it is hard to have happy memories when you ha someone constantly telling you that you shouldn't.

Getting back to my original question...what is the best thing to do??

My original instinct was to send her an email back telling her that her meddling was the exact reason she has a strained relationship with her son, and it can very easily head back that way if she continues with constantly getting in our business....(The original email I had drafted to her was much more forceful and quick witted)

I also could have calmly and logically explained to her that it would be impossible to see his Memere with the time we have available and maybe another day...I suspect however that this would lead to more talking about how she is sick...blah blah blah...

Or I could simply ignore her. This is the route I chose. I will not be responding to her email. I will not be initiating contact. I will be avoiding the woman at all costs.

Did I make the right decision?? Or by doing nothing am I just giving her the message that he actions are okay??

Is this an American thing? Are mother-in-laws in other countries much more respectful of their grown children?? Or is it universal??


The Natural Hair Diaries said...

LOL, this post was funny. I could tell that she really gets on your nerves. Well I think you did the right thing, you shouldn't respond in anger. Just give it a few days and respond calmly to her email.

The Binocular said...

hey sara..
these r jus d universal laws of conflict between d daughter-in-laws n d mother-in-laws...
it jus happens anywhere n everywhere.. irrespective of culture, societies, countries or continents.. n who knows abt d life in mars!!!! [:D]..
i totally agree wid d above mentioned idea... ya jus need to take sometime, n then decide upon how u gonna make ur MIL realise wid d most best of words... though she been a kinda pain for u.. jus dont respond in hurry/anger..
am sure ur good enuf to handle dis situation.. tk cre..
btw, it was a nice blog.. :)

Sara said...

Thanks guys! Emotions firmly in check and just riding it out!

Anonymous said...

poor sara..

i dunno wat having a mother-in-law (MIL) from hell is like.. but i DO know what a father-in-law (FIL) from hell is like!!!

oh mann.. before marriage, i prayed to God to give me a super nice MIL.. and i did get exactly what i wished for. She doesnt interfere in our decisions.. she gives calm and good advise.. she cooks me my fav dishes whenever we stop by..

oh but my FIL!! he's just the worst! he calls her names.. being his lame ole self, he sits at home doing nothing while everyone else works.. he criticizes wateva we do.. he's dead now but he left us a HUGE debt along with it! dammit