Today I'm coming back from my Intro to Grad School class. It is actually a class that I love because I'm with other first years students, so you get to meet people who are in a similar situation as yourself. At the end of class we always are asked what is going on this week and how we are feeling about things this week and how/if it differs from last week. One of the girls raises her hand and starts talking about the pressures of school and how it takes a WHOLE lot more time than she had imagined and how she is having far less time to do the outside things in life that she really loved, something that I very much can relate to.
So...our teacher gives the following answer...
Grad school takes a lot of time to do and there are a lot of sacrifices. Many people have relationship trouble during this time and it is very normal for people to have strains on friendships and partnerships during this period.
Then he says...
You will come out a different person than you went in.
My question...are all relationships doomed if you are spending a significant portion of your life in school or doing school related things? And if so, is it because you are spending so much time away from each other or is it because you change in a way that is incompatible with your partner?
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6 comments:
I went through grad school with the same person (although he was the wrong person and we ended up getting divorced a couple years after I graduated). So I really think that it's more of a "can your relationship last through the tough times?" kind of situation. I think it depends on how strong your relationship is to begin with and if your mate supports you. I wouldn't be discouraged by it. Know that grad school is a challenge and go for it!
Yep, it's a "can your relationship last?" not "this will doom your relationship." That you guys are both doing a lot of school stuff + work must be doubly hard, though.
It's all so depressing...I need the cheery your life is going to be so much better talk...not the many relationships end during this time of your life talk...I'm too much of a worrier to have that brought up as a possibility!!
That is a hard question, but I am convinced if the relationship is worth it then both parties are willing to work at it. Also, what's meant to be will be.
That seems overly dramatic to me. Grad school is hard and consuming, and it will change you like every experience does. But, it's not necessarily a relationship killer. You're in the driver's seat.
No, relationships re not doomed. I have been married for 12 years on November 2nd and can attest to the fact that marriage is a daily regimen of work. Throw in the fact that you and your spouse are unable to conceive, then go through the adoption process only to have been fortunate enough to have been selected to take placement of the coolest kid ever born, have your parents divorce after being married for 42 years, have your spouse get fired from a well paying job that employed her for over 13 years for BS reasons, somehow muddle trough it and after 2 years of her working in BH to be asked to come back to said employer at great pay and benefits, remodel your basement so that your mother has a kickass place to stay (construction has been going on since Memorial Day and still not done) and plan your 10 year anniversary Disney vacation 2 years late because the economy sucks ass. Aah that is my life for the past 12 years in a nutshell. The rally bizarre thing is, I wouldn't change a thing due to the fact that I have matured and learned so much about myself and love my wife all the more........What were we talking about????
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